Countryway TUESDAY Golf

TUESDAY Golfer's  FUN Album #5.

One is a retired 'Tuesday Golfer' in his late seventies and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them: "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says: "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage.

The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles, and continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes then rests his head at her feet.

The Ringling Circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says: "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to our 'Tuesday Golfer' and asks: "Can  you top that?"

The tough old golfer replies: "No problem, just get that damn lion out of there."

(Courtesy of Pat Donelly)

'Snowbirds' Have never understood how Florida's
 Tuesday Golfers could play golf year 'round.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well... the photo above is the final answer...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOTE: "Any body parts above, that may possibly be recognizable, shall not be used to identify these anonymous golfers."

Comment of visitor from Rochester, NY:
"Those hats are disgusting. How can you wear them in public???"
 

    -  CADDYSHACK - (1980)

 
Best golf movie of all time. No movie has been quoted more often, from "Miss it, Noonan" to "That's a peach, hon" to Bill Murray's inspired Llama speech to Chevy Chase's "Na-na-na-nnnn" mantra to Rodney Dangerfield's one-liners. Inspired zaniness, it's aged well.

BIRDIES: "Don't be so hard on yourself, judge, you're a tremndous slouch"; "You're not being the ball, Danny."

BOGEY: Critics ripped it. They flat-out missed it, Noonan.

  -  GOLDFINGER - (1964)

 
"A golf course is a great place to bond...James Bond." Ok, so it's not about golf, but don't miss the classic links match between Sean Connery's 007 and slimy Auric Goldfinger. Bond beats Goldfinger and his caddie, Oddjob, at their own game -- cheating.

BIRDIE: The exchange when Goldfinger cheats. Bond's caddie: "If that's his original ball, I'm Arnold Palmer." Bond: "Tisn't." Caddie: "How do you know?" Bond: "I'm standing on it."

BOGEY: No rematch.

  -   PAT AND MIKE - (1952)

 
Katherine Hepburn is a champion golfer, tennis player and shooter who falls in love with her shady manager, Spencer Tracy. The tournament scenes at Riviera Country Club are the most authentic-looking golf sequences Hollywood has ever created.

BIRDIES: Glimpses of Riviera and its clubhouse from over 50 years ago; the athletic Hepburn, despite a loose swing, could play.

BOGEY: Cradle-robbing -- Tracy looks old enough to be Kate's grandfather.

  -  GOING MY WAY - (1944)

 
Golf played a brief role in this Bing Crosby classic about a young priest taking over a troubled church. Crosby takes crusty Father Fitzgibbon out for his first taste of golf; the old man enjoys it immensely when he tries a bunker shot and Crosby's friend put it in the cup. They then convince him he holed out.

BIRDIE: Crosby borrows collection money to buy golf balls.

BOGEY: Golf scene is too short.

 1/2  -   FOLLOW THE SUN - (1951)

 
Story of Ben Hogan's comeback from a bus accident was based on fact. Glenn Ford stars as Hogan. Wooden and dated now, it's still the best serious golf film, not that there's much competition for that honor.

BIRDIES: Appearances by pros Sam Snead, Jimmy Demaret and Cary Middlecoff."

BOGEY: Ford's feeble golf swing.

 1/2 - TIN CUP - (1996)

 
As Roy (Tin Cup) McAvoy, Kevin Costner is so vain, cocky and ego-centric that we almost like Don Johnson better -- and he plays a phony, money-loving tour pro. Tin Cup is a range pro who tries to win the U.S. Open and impress Rene Russo. This could've been great if only the writers and directors could have had a mulligan.

BIRDIE: Tin Cup's line: "Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them."

BOGEYS: Peter Jacobson wins the U.S. Open? What is this, science fiction? Also, zero chemistry between Costner and Russo, whose characters must've fallen in love while we were getting popcorn, because we sure didn't see it..

 1/2 - HAPPY GILMORE - (1996)

 
Adam Sandler as a washed-up hockey player who can blast 400-yard drives thanks to a unique three-step run-up approach. He squares off against a phony tour pro, a caricature that hits deliciously close to home.

BIRDIES: A Tim Finchem look-alike as the weasely tour commissioner; hilarious pro-am fight scene with Bob Barker and Sandler's knockout line: "The price is wrong...bitch!""

BOGEY: Sandler's winning Rube Goldberg-like putt.

-  BANNING - (1967)

 
Slick young Playboy golf pro Robert Wagner, kicked off the pro golf tour for alleged cheating, is hustling pigeons (for a living) and babes at a country club and trying to pay off a nasty loan shark.

BIRDIE: Scantily clad Jill St. John; still can't believe Oscar overlooked her brilliant work.

BOGEY: Formula sixties soap opera.

 - THE CADDY - (1953)

 
Jerry Lewis is the goofball caddie who coaches Dean Martin into championship form.

BIRDIES: Lewis and Martin have pretty decent swings; Dino croons, "That's Amore."

BOGEY: Film looks as if it was about two weeks in the making.

   -   THE GOLF SPECIALIST - (1930)

 
W.C. Fields as J. Effingham Bellweather, gets humbled by resort golf.

BIRDIE: A disgusted Fields throws his clubs in a lake and, told he can't do that, throws his caddie in after them.

BOGEY: This short film is hard to find and, if you do, prints are usually of poor quality.

   -   THREE LITTLE BEERS - (1935)

 
Funny, the deliverymen aren't invited to the posh country club's golf tournament. Oh, no wonder, they're Larry, Moe and Curly -- the Three Stooges! Will our heroes crash this affair and win the $100 first prize? "Soitainly."

BIRDIE: Curly does is laundry -- nyuk-nyuk! -- in a ball-washer.

BOGEY: Moe doesn't replace his huge divots.

   - DIVOT DIGGERS - (1936)

 
Spanky and Our Gang run wild at a country club (Jiggs the chimp wreaks havoc on a riding mower).

BIRDIE: Spanky's putter is a long-handled hammer (precursor to today's senior tour models?)

BOGEY: Buckwheat caddying for Spanky smacks of racism; Alfafa putts with a pool cue, a cliche` even in 1936.

 1/2  -  CADDYSHACK II - (1988)

 
Unfunny, lame and predictable. Simply put, the worst golf movie of all time.

BIRDIE: PGA Tour must be so proud that TPC at Eagle Trace clubhouse is seen here.

BOGEY: Jackie Mason replaces Rodney Dangerfield? That's the worst trade since Roger Maris for Charlie Smith.