Countryway TUESDAY Golf

TUESDAY Golfer's  FUN Album #3.

March 20, 1942

(Mark your calendars for the new National Golf Holiday: Every March 20)
On this date, was born one of the most colorful Tuesday Golfers in the world!
He'll probably be wearing RED next week to let everyone know he turns 70* and
finally gets to hit from the 'Red' Tees on Hole #3. and Hole #14. 

IF he's not wearing RED next week, I'm sure you'll recognize him from this Police Line-up:

* Carl's new rule now requires a birth certificate before red tees are allowed
on Hole #3. and Hole #14. Since our Tuesday golfers start at 7:00 AM and
finishes around 10:30. We need proof that he was born before 7:00 AM
in 1942. If after 10:30 -- No red tees until next week: March 27.

Finally someone has put together an Interpretation Guide for a few of their most common sayings:

1. "FINE" - This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. "FIVE MINUTES" - If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you
                                                have been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. "NOTHING" - This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes.
                                    Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine" (See #1).

4. "GO AHEAD" - This is a dare, not permission. My advice is Don't Do It!

5. "Loud Sigh" - This is actually a word, but it's a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud
                                  sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here
                                  and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of "nothing.")

6. "That's Okay" - This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay"
                                        means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for
                                        your mistake.

7. "Thanks" - A woman is thanking you; do not question, or faint. just say "You're welcome." (I want to add in a
                           clause here -- This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" -- that is PURE sarcasm and she is not
                           thanking you at all.) DO NOT say "you're welcome" as that will bring on a "whatever".

8. "Whatever" - Is a woman's way of saying. "YOU IDIOT!"

9. "Don't Worry About It, I got it" - Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a
                                                                                   woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing herself.
                                                                                   this will later result in a man asking, "what's wrong?" (for the women's
                                                                                   response, refer to #3.)

###.
 

    An Italian Golfer  

("You can't make this stuff up!")

    A Golfer and a Hooker (not Tiger)  

One of our Tuesday golfers visited St. Augustine as a spectator in one of last year's PGA Tournaments. Later, back at the hotel for a 'nightcap', he was sitting at the bar in the lounge (Tiger wasn't there - he was on his boat), and a hooker sits down on the barstool next to him.

She says, "This is your lucky night. Let's play a game. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300, so long as you can say it in three words."

Our Tuesday golfer replies: "OK" He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and, one at a time, lays three 100-dollar bills on the bar and says very slowly, "Paint...my...house."

("You can't make this stuff up!")

Standing by him is his golf clubs and bag.

His bride whispers: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

And the man said "This is not going to take all day is it?"

He said "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and
my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight.
It should be OK next week."

So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it
all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries
and goes on their honeymoon.

That night in the motel room she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts.
This was the first time he saw them.

She said, "You're the first one; no one has ever touched these breasts."

He immediately drops his pants and replies...

"Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

By Its Size I Could Not Guess,
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.

My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.

It Has Made Me Yell, Curse And Cry,
I Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises A Thing Called Par,
If I Can Hit It Straight And Far.

To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.

It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Even Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.

With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.

It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.

###.

"Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!"